I’m assuming it involves a farm at one end and probably an assembly line at the other, and I refuse to do any research that would further my knowledge. Look, I’m not going to pretend to know a lot, or even a little, about the logistics behind making and packing cereal into boxes. Theory One: Shrimp tails accidentally contaminated a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. General Mills, feeder of the hungry and innovator of new delicious ways for us to consume sugar and corn syrup), we can dive into theories of what actually happened. Now that we have a better understanding of the parties involved (Jensen, lame dude with lame name. I would trust them with my life.Īlso, General Mills has been sued in the past for shipping blueberry scones that were contaminated with bits of shrimp, but I fail to see how that is relevant in this case. Clearly, they’ve done a lot more good for the world than Jensen Karp. General Mills products include hits such as Cheerios, Chex Mix, Lucky Charms, Annie’s mac n’ cheese, and Fruit Rollups. Fact two: they are produced by food and snack giant, General Mills. Fact one: Cinnamon Toast Crunch is the best cereal in the game. I’m just going to state some simple, non-biased facts. What Do We Know About Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Let’s do a background check on the alleged perpetrator. On the other hand, he did write “(This is not a bit)” on his original tweet, so that’s pretty firm evidence he’s telling the truth. I think we can all agree that being from Calabasas is also a point in the “do not trust” column. The fact that he’s a comedian/podcast host/actor/radio personality actually gives him clear motivation to lie about this incident to increase his public exposure, and the fact that he was a rapper who went by the stage name “Hot Karl” is frankly even more disturbing than eating cinnamon-covered shrimp. According to Wikipedia, Jensen Karp, the alleged victim of Shrimpgate is a “writer, comedian, producer, podcast host, art gallery owner, actor, radio personality and former rapper raised in Calabasas, California.” And since Netflix hasn’t responded to my email asking them to product a 6-part docuseries investigating this heinous act, I guess it’s up to me to figure out what happened.įor a claim to be believed, it must come from a believable source. And now here we are, days later, with no more clue as to how or why shrimp tails ended up in some guy’s box of cereal. There was talk of lawsuits, of police involvement, and the phrase “gaslight” thrown around more than a nerf football at a tailgate.
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